I’ve been coughing up posts for this blog for almost seven years now — for free and with absolutely zero chance of ever gaining any real success or exposure beyond the 200 pathetic cats that read my drivel.
Well, that’s about to change.
I’ve just received news through my agent that Melissa McCarthy has signed on to produce a TV Land series based on my blog. Remember the failed TV show, Sh*t My Dad Says starring William Shatner that was based on some guy’s twitter feed? Yeah — this one will actually be good.
The tentative title: The Bad Blogger
The synopsis: The show will follow the life and times of WordPress blogger Marla — a middle-aged, bitter, grade-A crank who is doomed to live in a frozen tundra teeming with Maineiac assholes. She longs to make it as a successful writer, only to be served a big, fat, steaming pile of failure time and again. After much soul-searching, coffee brandy, and the occasional cigar, she finally finds her purpose by posting funny cat videos to her blog followers.
I’ve watched the above video about 152 times and laugh harder each time. What kills me is the look on the white cat’s face when she realizes she didn’t ring the bell hard enough, and the other cat is getting the food but she’s getting bupkis. That look? That’s my face. Every day of my life. Where’s my damn kibble?!
All pissed-off cats and nobody-bloggers-like-me-who-will-never-have-any-real-success-thanks-for-nothing-Melissa-McCarthy aside…I love April Fools’ Day. Two of my favorite pranks I’ve pulled over the years include:
- Wrapping a huge spool of twine around my brother’s friend’s car, encasing it completely. Took him hours to unwind it. During a blizzard. After he had just finished a brutal 10 hour shift at work. Hilarious.
- Telling my boss my husband and my co-worker’s husband were both caught cheating on us — with each other. This was an elaborate prank that involved several people and we managed to keep it going all day long — and my boss believed every bit of it. Hysterical.
So, in the spirit of being mean for a cheap laugh, so far today I gave my kids a spoon in a bowl of milk and cereal…that I froze solid the night before. Later, I’m swapping out the mayonnaise for vanilla pudding.
My husband told me this morning right after I woke up that he got an email stating our health insurance premium is going up to 852 bucks a month. Then he let out a cackle and said “APRIL FOOLS!”
I didn’t think it was funny.
_________________________________________
What sort of devilish pranks have you pulled? Let me know so I can use them next year.
She's A Maineiac 
You made me look! I know Melissa McCarthy’s stunt double, so I thought I’d hook you up.
April Fools right back atcha!
Please hook my up anyway. That would be a dream job.
Second!
Dang. You got me. Honestly. I didn’t see it coming. If McCarthy had a brain in her head she’d do it.
How do you like these apples:
http://www.metmuseum.org/exhibitions/listings/2017/marsden-hartley
hmmm…interesting. He describes Maine as “not conventionally pretty” and “dark and moody.” I think that is spot on.
I like his work. Always have. Didn’t know he was from Maine. Didn’t know he was gay, either. Wheels within wheels.
Had me going for a bit, but only for a bit
Well, only for a bit was more than I was shooting for.
And here I thought you were starring on Melissa McCarthy’s new show Nobodies. 🙂
ha! Yes, that is kinda where I was going with this. Maybe call my TV show “Blogger Nobody”?
Those cats are hilarious. And you are awesome. I generally hate April Fool’s Day because I’m the one getting the jokes played on me. I prefer to watch cat videos.
You really can’t go wrong with cat videos.
lol I recently wrapped everything in a coworker’s office with saran wrap. Everything. Papers, pens, chair, computer (being careful not to block vent), trash can, half a cup of coffee. Pictures of his children. Stapler. The fork and razor he keeps in his drawer. Ewww, I learned more than I wanted to there. It felt good, and it didn’t take him TOO long to unwrap it all.
I bow down to you. That is all kinds of genius.
lol and it was fun. 🙂 I think you and I should get together for April Fool’s jokes, I think we could be dangerous and it would be a blast.
I would totally stay home to watch that show. Is there a part in it for Marla’s sarcastic side kick and fellow blogger, Meg-o?
I don’t think I’ve ever played a good April Fool’s joke on anybody, partly because I lack motivation and drive, and partly because I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.
I went to a charity auction Saturday and there was a wine wheel – $10 a chance and you got whatever bottle it landed on. Some Einstein thought it would be a good April Fool’s gag to sprinkle Boone’s Farm bottles in the mix, so guess who didn’t spend any money on it? Joke’s on them!
Of course there would be a Meg-o part! Maybe throw in a part for Jules and Katy and we could be the Golden Girls 2.
Fun video. Wonder how long it took to train the cats!
I wouldn’t dare pull an April Fool’s Day prank on any of my family and friends – their retaliation the following year would be brutal…
Y’know that’s the first thing I thought: those poor cats. Making them so hungry they will ring a bell. How humiliating for them!
I got married on April Fool’s Day because my husband and I were very young and statistically speaking, I didn’t think we had a chance to make it even a year. I imagined that the following year I would say something along the lines of, “today’s my anniversary. April Fool’s!!!”
I don’t know why I thought that would be funny. For that matter I don’t know why I got married if I was so sure it was doomed to fail. This year we celebrated our 14 year anniversary, with no end in sight. So I guess the jokes on me.
Awww….love that story. Just two fools hopelessly in love…. 😉
I laughed and laughed at that cat video. Every time I see a funny cat video I alternate between laughter and melancholy, thinking about how hard it is to write something funny and all the exhausting business that goes into marketing the funny thing I wrote and all the technical skills I had to learn to blog and tweet and Facebook and video and Photoshop the funny thing I wrote, and all that work will never produce anything as funny as two cats ringing a bell.
Exactamundo! Story of my life. I give up.