My Doomsday Bucket List

Get ready! Today is End of the World Day (again)!

I’ve already prepared a to-do list:

  1. Shampoo hair.
  2. Rinse.
  3. Repent.
  4. Repeat.
  5. Rent a limo and cruise through the streets of New York City eating a slice of hot pizza.
  6. Beg the Messiah to absolve me of all my sins.
  7. Binge-watch Outlander.
  8. Check the Second Coming Countdown! Have You Got Your Shit Together? ticker on CNN.
  9. Repent.
  10. Eat a foot-long Italian BMT with extra mayo and triple the meats.
  11. Spend rest of day in the bathroom watching Home Alone 3 on iPhone.
  12. Repent.

Are you ready? What’s on your to-do list? Is today really the end? If not — dear God, pleasepleaseplease can it be before the next presidential election?

And if for some odd reason, I don’t disappear into the heavens leaving behind only a pile of my clothes during the Rapture today, I look forward to your comments and likes below.

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12 thoughts on “My Doomsday Bucket List

  1. When I read it really wasn’t going to be the end of the world today, I went ahead and cleaned the bathroom. If I’ve got to stay here I’m gonna pee in a clean toilet.

    Die my hair pink…eat an entire chocolate cake…ride a big wooden roller coaster…take my dog for a very long car ride with lots of stops for ice cream. Sprinkle my husband’s ashes in all his favorite spots on earth…moon Donald Trump (just kidding – no one deserves to see that).

  2. I’ve always wanted to smash my 15-yr-old minivan into a freshly washed Mercedes coupe. I guess today’s the day!! Thanks for the gentle reminder, Dar. Can always count on you. ;D

  3. Man am I out of the loop. Didn’t know the world was going to end today. Save me a slice of pizza. As long as I’ll be dead tomorrow, it won’t matter if I’m doubled over in pain half the night from it. Deeelish! My bucket list doesn’t exist, but if I had one I’d go scuba diving in the tropics again, go skiing in some place that has powdery snow up to my knees, eat an ice cream Sunday while sitting in the Oval office with my feet up on the desk, performing energy healing on Trump with his blessing and consent. And I’d invite Paul McCartney along in the limo.

  4. Sorry, got to this a day late. I guess yesterday wasn’t Doomsday, we’re all still here. Unless this is a parallel world where meatloaf is still what’s for dinner. I expected better in Paradise. 🙂

  5. Dear Darlinski. You crack me up. And, at my age, I am thinking about that proverbial bucket list. More importantly, trying to find a way to retire soon and do other things. That’s my #1 bucket list item. Then I will do other fun things! xoxo Tar-Buns

  6. Darla? Are you still there/here? Is that a pile of clothes I see on the floor of your limo, or did you just pass out from an overdose of pizza and BMTs?

    (BTW, by a bizarre coincidence that proves, yet again, that we are twin daughters of different mothers, I went back home over the weekend and binged on cake and pizza. When I came back last night I binged on the dinner my hubby had bought – foot-long subs from the deli. I am not even kidding.)

  7. Today is the 26th so, clearly, you were lying. You were so convincing that I immediately ran up all my credit cards, bought a car I cannot afford, drove it to Atlantic City and lost my meager 401(k) at a cold craps table. How am I going to explain that to my bride? Can you call her? She’ll listen to you.

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