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13 Ways I Live On the Edge

  • The dentist recommends I floss at least once a day. Some days I don’t floss. And I still have my teeth. Take that, Mr. Know-It-All Dentist.
  • Advil’s recommended dose for 12 years and up is one capsule, then two if needed every four to six hours. Oh yeah? Well, I’m taking two pills. At the same time. Thaaaat’s right.
  • Whenever I’m in the Express Lane at Target, I like to buy a jumbo-sized box of lice treatment and some pink eye medicine. Then have the clerk check the prices over the intercom while I scratch my head and rub my eyes. Then I like to write a check. Then write the wrong amount. Then tear up the check. Then scratch my head some more. Then try a declined credit card.  Then glare at the clerk. Then dig out all the change in my pockets to pay the entire amount in pennies, pausing often to rub my eyes. Then stick my hand out asking the person behind me in line for another penny. Then tell the clerk I change my mind and don’t want to buy anything after all and walk away.
  • Whenever my kids and husband ask me what I’d like to do today, I respond, “Sit.”
  • One time I almost ate a burger that was cooked medium-well.
  • I set up my Christmas tree before Thanksgiving.
Image result for chevy chase christmas tree
You think it’s too early? Well, I don’t give a Fa-la-la-la-la.
  • For Christmas this year my sixteen-year-old son asked for “cold hard cash”. So I wrapped up a box within a box within a box within a box. Inside the tiniest box? A quarter taped to a slip of paper that reads: I love you!!! (true story)
  • Instead of slathering on sunscreen with SPF 100, one day back in 2007 I had to make do with two layers of SPF 50.
  • When my kids get into a squabble, I don’t do anything. I just sit there and ignore them until they resolve it themselves.
  • I once watched a video of someone skydiving. I shut it off before he landed because I just didn’t want to know the outcome.
  • In my work emails, I use exclamation points at the end of every sentence. And it’s not because I’m excited. It’s because I’m pissed off and my only defense is sarcasm. 
  • When I’m served a bad meal at a restaurant, instead of sending it back to the kitchen, I complain to my husband the entire meal yet eat it anyway. Then I leave a 15% tip instead of 20%.
  • When a clerk tells me to have a nice day, I reply, “Make me.”
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42 thoughts on “13 Ways I Live On the Edge

  1. I let my son watch videos on YouTube, and call it school. I don’t necessarily come to a full stop at stop signs before proceeding; especially if it’s night and there’s no one around to see me. I sometimes walk around my house naked or partially clothed, with the curtains open. Thankfully, the only ones who notice are the critters in the yard: deer, rabbits and squirrels.

    1. Is it bad that I often watch YouTube and call it work while I’m at work?

      Oh and also that when I’m “working from home” I’m not actually working at all and I’m all naked all the time?

  2. Is that actually Advil’s recommended dosage?! I had no idea. I’m surprised my stomach hasn’t been turned inside out by now. It’s their fault. Their pills should be stronger. I wouldn’t have to take so many.

    I found that ignoring your kids is the best, best policy. That way, you can’t be accused of favoring one over the other.

    How’s tricks up there? Everything okay? Good. Three posts for 4Q18 is a very poor showing. Pick it up.

    1. There have been times in my life the pain was so bad I would pop Advil like Tic Tacs.

      Everything is okay…just feeling like the years are flying by and there’s barely time to take the time to breathe lately. As much as I love/miss blogging, it’s had to take a backseat. (This post was written years ago and I just dusted it off and slapped it up here because I feel like my blog is terminal and I need to revive it every so often. haha!

      1. I was just discussing this with Ross. We’ve pretty much lost all of our readers and have really pared-down the number of blogs we follow. It seems to be a natural progression. Everything plays out sooner or later.

  3. That all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. And I’m with you on the dentist. I had one tell me I needed all my wisdom teeth pulled… that was 35 years ago and guess what? Still got ’em. Love the “make me” response. I may have to try that!

  4. I confess, I used shiny Scotch tape to wrap presents this year instead of the “invisible” kind. I bought shoes with money that should have gone into my crown and root canal fund. I’ll be reading a PG-13 poem at the Solstice Event this year… it has the word “bum” in it (as in ass, butt cheeks, derrière, not “Brother, can you spare a dime?) I measure my Nyquil carefully, however, and all my mattresses still have their labels. 🙂

    1. Doesn’t it feel good to get all of this out? Last week, before I picked up the kids from school, I went through the drive-thru at Dunkin Donuts and got myself a chocolate glazed and didn’t get the kids anything. Then I sat in my car and ate it with no regrets.

  5. That’s what I call living life on the edge.

    Wish I could be there Christmas morning when your son opens his gift. You are my hero-Mom…in a bad, Grinch-like way. Which is a good thing.

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