It was 1984 when my obsession with Jeopardy was born. I was a spacey 14-year-old girl who wore high-wasted polyester pants and thought Almonzo on Little House was “dreamy”. One evening I noticed my father and older brother yelling random things at the TV.
“Who is Mark David Chapman?”
“What is the Slinky?”
“What is Lake Titicaca?”
I settled down in my pink bean bag chair and watched transfixed at the smooth-talking man with an enigmatic mustache who knew all the answers (or questions). From then on, I made it my mission to absorb each and every bit of useless trivia just so I could crush my brother in the Final Jeopardy round. Never happened, but it wasn’t for lack of trying.
Decades went by and something happened along the way. I started to answer (or question…goddamn that’s confusing) correctly for most categories, especially final jeopardy. Granted, no one besides the cat was usually in the living room to witness me yelling out random things in a ridiculously smug way. But I knew. I knew I was Jeopardy material. Admit it, there is nothing in this crazy world sweeter than knowing the final jeopardy answer when none of the supposedly brilliant contestants did.
Then along came this dude.
Jeopardy James! He was quick, strategic and dammit, he knew EVERYTHING!
It was a thrill to watch him every night. Why, some nights, even my cat Mr. Wankers took notice.
Not only did he bet big when it counted, he also made sure the amount he bet had some kind of significant meaning like birthdays, anniversaries, or future dates he would pulverize into dust the dreams of yet another poor Jeopardy co-contestant.
Just like SNL’s solidly funny skits from the past, all good things must come to an end. Jeopardy James lost a game. Some say he threw the game, because well, naturally winning millions of dollars has got to be taxing at some point, right?
The good news for all you geeky Jeopardy fans– he’s coming back for the Tournament of Champions in November. Huzzah! In preparation, I’ve read up on all facts related to Lake Titicaca. Wish me and Mr. Wankers luck!