Ode from the Commode: A Thanksgiving Plea

To Whom It May Concern: I write to you with the fervent hopethat my plight may soon be known.My ordeal began as soon as I plunkedmy ass on the porcelain throne. It seems mixing shots of tequilawith gravy-smothered pitawas clearly not the way to go. Hence, my ass exploded,the tidy bowl overloaded,and the septic tank …

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It’s all in your mind

Blast from the past post…because we truly are all in this together.

She's A Maineiac

Blooming lotus in peaceful mind...

What is love? What is life? What is time? Please tell me. What are the words you choose? Are there words that can accurately convey these concepts? Well, we try to come up with them. But in my experience words are so limiting and often fail miserably at communicating such subjective and powerful ideas.

It’s like trying to describe to someone what it feels like to jump out of an airplane.  You could say, “It was awesome, dude!” Or you could be more specific and say, “All I could hear was the wind rushing and my heart pounding.” In any case, I’d be willing to bet the only surefire way I’d understand what it was like was if I took the plunge myself. And that experience would no doubt leave me with different impressions than others. Maybe I’d see a glimpse of heaven. Maybe I’d squeeze my eyes shut and cry “I want…

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I’ll Take Insanely Good Jeopardy Players for $1000, Alex.

It was 1984 when my obsession with Jeopardy was born. I was a spacey 14-year-old girl who wore high-wasted polyester pants and thought Almonzo on Little House was "dreamy". One evening I noticed my father and older brother yelling random things at the TV. "Who is Mark David Chapman?" "What is the Slinky?" "What is …

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These Dudes Rock My World

There are few things in life that get people more fired up than politics, religion, and the Kardashians. Music is one of them. We passionately defend our musical tastes because they're incredibly personal. Songs have the power to reawaken faded memories or elevate your soul until you feel the divine. When I was ten years …

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You Got a Problem

Last week a repairman came over to the house to check out our furnace. It was buzzing and clicking and gurgling, so naturally I was concerned it might blow up and destroy half the neighborhood. Repairmen always do the same thing. They waltz into your house and snicker, “So what’s the problem?” When I try …

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The Kids Weren’t Alright

Alright, alright, alright... It was summer 1982 at the local clam festival. My best friend and I weaved through the crowds that reeked of coconut sunscreen, ganja, and fried dough. Asia's "Heat of the Moment" blasted from a boom box in the distance. Determined with a laser-focus only an 11-year-old could possess, we zeroed in …

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Happy Anniversary to Me

WordPress just informed me that I started this blog nine years ago today.And I thought it was a good time to tell you, my lovely readers, how much I appreciate you visiting, liking, commenting, and occasionally actually reading my posts all the way through. Thank you for sticking around all these years. For those that …

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Diagnosis: Not Young

"According to your MRI results here, you have an incurable condition known as Advanced Haggy-Saggy Bags." I'm turning (ahem, cough, sputter, gasp, defibrillator) 49 years old in September. Do you think you're also getting older? (I hear it's a thing.) Here's a few warning signs: Bread is too spicy.You think Abe Vigoda is sexy. Then …

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Meditation for Dumbasses

We've all heard the mantras: Live in the present. Let things go. Stop inhaling those damned Doritos. But how, when we've got so much to worry about? So much to get caught up in! Bills to pay and jobs to dread and social media to hate! We can't even turn our minds off long enough …

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Confessions of a Female Football Fanatic

Last Sunday, I broke the sound barrier in my living room. Have you ever heard a high-pitched screech that was so annoying and loud you wanted to scrape your own ears out with a fork? That was me during the commercials. I hate Taco Bell. Okay, so I guess I get a little excited watching …

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