Twitter is in the Sh*tter

I don't know about you, but oftentimes I ask myself, Self? What would you do with 44 billion dollars? I have loads of ideas. I would donate a billion to the animal shelter, give a billion to the children's hospital, spend a billion on Reese's peanut butter cups and Snuggies. You can never have too …

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Quiet Quitting & Blasé Blogging

Hey kids! Have you heard of the latest craze to sweep our fine nation? No? Me neither. I am so out of the loop I asked my 15-year-old daughter last week if she was going to go out and buy the new Taylor Swift album and she smirked, "Buy? Buy what? The album? What?! No! …

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Top Eleven Things I Hate About Being President

Hey, losers! It's me, the President of the United States. Yes, I am still here. No, I don't want to be here anymore. So please enjoy my top 11 Reasons Why Being Prez Sucks Bigly Time: 11) Thought it would be more like that movie where the bratty kid gets all the ice cream in …

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The Rotten Avocado–January 2015

Welcome to another edition of The Rotten Avocado! Bringing you fake news that’s never perfectly ripe, hard to crack open, and filled with green slime.... Proud dad Ashton Kutcher recently gushed about his new baby with partner Mila Kunis, remarking they want to be hands-on parents and therefore do not employ a nanny. "We want to …

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The Rotten Avocado

Bringing you news that's never perfectly ripe, hard to crack open, and filled with green slime. Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence reportedly broke up, calling off their relationship after four months. Jennifer revealed she's looking for a man who can be himself, someone who "isn't afraid to fart in front of me." Coincidentally, the dating website eHarmony …

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