Mom For Hire

The following post I wrote over three years ago and I'm reposting it because I have little time to write lately. In case you're wondering the snow in Maine finally melted so I'm spending every waking moment outside.  Plus I'm tired. So damn tired. Happy Mother's Day! OBJECTIVE            To prove that when you notice the huge 10 …

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Stand Up Saturday: Parenting

Welcome to another installment of no holds barred, profanity-laced, semi-comedic rants straight from my rambling mind. Today's Topic: Parenting Being a parent these days is such a drag. You try to stick to rules like no glue-sniffing, no shoving kids off the slide and for god's sake, how many damned boogers have you eaten today? As if this wasn't draining enough, …

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How Boredom is Slowly Killing Our Summer

"I'm bored." "O....M....G. This is like, so boring." "...ugh......this is soooooooo boooooooooooooring....like....uhhhhhhh....ughhhhh..." "I'mboredI'mboredI'mboredI'mboredI'mbored" What is it about summer? What is it about these long hot days? What is about my husband? Doesn't he realize I don't have the power to make life magical every single day? As for my kids -- let's just say I could be …

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Beautiful Child

Gasping your first breath on a cold fall day, your hazel eyes greeted my blue. A strand of my hair locked tight in your grasp, I let my heart bleed into yours. We ran together through the scarlet leaves, our dance tinged with memories of gold. You showed me the starry night, the seashell warmed by the sun, the bumpy …

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You Know You’re a Parent When….

The nurse hands you a baby and says with a sneer, "Good luck, suckers!" You get home with baby and after a few days realize--the baby isn't going anywhere. Probably for the next 30 years. If you're lucky. You never go by your own first name anymore. "Hi! I'm Christian's Mom!" or "Hello! I'm Julia's …

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So You’re Having A Baby…

Bundle of joy coming your way soon? Is the diaper bag all packed and ready for the hospital? Nursery all set up? Newborn clothes hung neatly in the closet? Sweet! You're ready! Right? Maybe not? Well, here's the lowdown. The things you really need to know about having a baby. Toss aside that What to …

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Losing Pieces of You

My five year old daughter's first loose tooth had been hanging by a thread for about a week. She was very nervous about it coming out. "Is there gonna be blood? What if it comes out while I'm eating my goldfish crackers? Am I gonna eat it by accident? What if I swallow it? I don't …

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