Getting to the End is the Point

The month of June will forever spin the threads of two momentous occasions together in my mind. Graduation and Father's Day. The last time I graduated college in 1993 there was no pomp but plenty of circumstance.  The day I received my degree I simply opened my mailbox, ran my fingers under the edge of the thick manila …

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So I Wanted to Be a Rock and Roll Star

Blind Melon. Strawberry Alarm Clock. Death Cab for Cutie. The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band. Just a few of the actual band names out there. How did they come up with these? I'm convinced they knocked back a few shots of cheap whisky then opened up the dictionary to a random page. Back in 1991 when I was 19 …

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The New Adventures of Old Darla

Going back to college at my (ahem) advanced age has been quite the eye-opening experience. I've learned many valuable things, like the medical term bradycardia actually does not mean when one's heart rate goes up upon seeing Tom Brady's tight end. Also, never open your eyes during 'eye irrigation' practice when your smirking lab partner comes at …

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Turns out you can teach an old broad new phlebotomy tricks.

Welcome to my nightmare, kids. It's always the same thing every time: I'm sitting in a classroom full of students and everyone knows the material except me. The walls close in, my heart pounds and the flop sweats kick into maximum flopping mode. My professor bears an uncanny resemblance to Sam Kinison in the 1986 movie, Back to School, while …

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But I Ain’t No Good At Talkin’ About the Thing and Stuff!

What are some of my greatest fears in life? Spiders Heights The dark Skydiving at night while covered in spiders. But the biggest fear I have? The one thing I still haven't conquered after all these years? Looks like this summer, I'll finally have my chance. I sat down with my college advisor last week so we could bang out my …

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How Going Back to School is Like Jumping Out of an Airplane

When you get to midlife, you start to realize a few things. Big things. For instance, how you've managed to bury insecurities so deep down, you didn't even know you had them. Like my doubts about doing well in school. Maybe it's due to the recurring nightmares I've had all my life, usually depicting some sort of general school-based …

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The leg bone’s connected to the…butt bone….?

Some of you may know that I'm currently back in college as a full time student. I'm a little over halfway through my first semester and finally finished with my midterm exams. Unfortunately, whenever I take an intense exam, like in my anatomy course, a few things happen: my heart starts to palpitate, my eyesight …

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Top Eleven Things That Tick Off My College Professor

11) When I raise my hand to ask her to repeat the last thing she said. 10) When I raise my hand to ask her to repeat the thing she just repeated--only this time, louder. 9) When I raise my hand to tell her I have to go pee. 8) When I then pause to say, …

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Too School for Cool: College Revisited

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