Okay, let's put this out there from the start: we are all going through some truly insane times right now. I don't know about you, but overnight I went from bitching about the lack of a good bagel in Maine to sitting in terror watching the nightly news as a steady stream of blood spurts …
Continue reading Zoom is Slowly Destroying My Soul (and other tales from the dark side)
My 82-year-old mother is running for POTUS. She figured she'd kick off her campaign immediately because, as she put it, "I might die in my sleep tonight." Also, The View is on at 2 pm. I think she'll win in a landslide. After all, she came up with a pretty sweet slogan: Nagging …
Last time on Seinfeld, The Soap Suc Part 1: George is moaning about his injured foot, Jerry's pouring himself another bowl of cereal, and Kramer is about to determine whether Elaine's breasts are lopsided. ELAINE (pushes Kramer's hand away, looks down at her watch): Oh, would you look at the time? I gotta go. I'm late …
Continue reading Lost Seinfeld Episode: The Soap Suc (Part 2)
Jerry's alone in his apartment. He's watching television and eating cereal. JERRY (giggling): Man, I love The Three Stooges. The door buzzer sounds. Jerry walks over and presses the intercom button. JERRY: Yeah? ELAINE (breathing heavily): Jerry! Jerry! It's an emergency! Let me in quick! I need help! JERRY: Who is this? ELAINE: Jerry! JERRY: …
Continue reading Lost Seinfeld Episode: The Soap Suc (Part 1)
I live next door to my 82-year-old mother. She has never driven a car, loves to read New Age books, and lives for the moment her mail is delivered. Five other notable things about her: She eats her hamburger in between two toasted (burnt to a crisp) rice cakes because she's "probably allergic to gluten". …
Growing up and trying to navigate your way through this big scary world is tough for any kid. But what if you're also challenged with having ADD and dyslexia? And happen to be gay? Veteran comedian Todd Glass understands what it's like to feel different and experience the pain of hiding a true identity for years. …
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade. People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate …
Welcome to another installment of no holds barred, profanity-laced, semi-comedic rants straight from my rambling mind. Today's Topic: Parenting Being a parent these days is such a drag. You try to stick to rules like no glue-sniffing, no shoving kids off the slide and for god's sake, how many damned boogers have you eaten today? As if this wasn't draining enough, …
Welcome to the first installment of weekly no holds barred, profanity-laced, semi-comedic rants straight from the rambling mind of the Supreme Destroyer of Bullshit -- The Maineiac. Today's topic: Marriage I remember a few years ago when Al and Tipper Gore dropped the big bomb on us. Apparently, it was top news that after 40 years of wedded bliss -- after …
What's funny? What do you find amusing? What makes something hilarious? How does someone get to be so humorous? No, really. I'm asking you. (And it seems I've run out of synonyms for 'funny') Anyone...? Recently, I was posed these questions and more by Michelle, a WordPress Editor over at The Daily Post blog. Along with a roundtable of other fantastically humorous bloggers …
Continue reading The Post Where I Explain Humor, Life, the Universe and Everything
She's A Maineiac 