Mom for President 2020

    My 82-year-old mother is running for POTUS. She figured she'd kick off her campaign immediately because, as she put it, "I might die in my sleep tonight." Also, The View is on at 2 pm. I think she'll win in a landslide. After all, she came up with a pretty sweet slogan: Nagging …

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Lost Seinfeld Episode: The Soap Suc (Part 2)

Last time on Seinfeld, The Soap Suc Part 1: George is moaning about his injured foot, Jerry's pouring himself another bowl of cereal, and Kramer is about to determine whether Elaine's breasts are lopsided. ELAINE (pushes Kramer's hand away, looks down at her watch): Oh, would you look at the time? I gotta go. I'm late …

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Lost Seinfeld Episode: The Soap Suc (Part 1)

Jerry's alone in his apartment. He's watching television and eating cereal. JERRY (giggling): Man, I love The Three Stooges. The door buzzer sounds. Jerry walks over and presses the intercom button. JERRY: Yeah? ELAINE (breathing heavily): Jerry! Jerry! It's an emergency! Let me in quick! I need help! JERRY: Who is this? ELAINE: Jerry! JERRY: …

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Keeping Up With My Mom

I live next door to my 82-year-old mother. She has never driven a car, loves to read New Age books, and lives for the moment her mail is delivered. Five other notable things about her: She eats her hamburger in between two toasted (burnt to a crisp) rice cakes because she's "probably allergic to gluten". …

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Book Giveaway: The Todd Glass Situation

  Growing up and trying to navigate your way through this big scary world is tough for any kid.  But what if you're also challenged with having ADD and dyslexia? And happen to be gay? Veteran comedian Todd Glass understands what it's like to feel different and experience the pain of hiding a true identity for years. …

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What’s so funny?

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade. People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate …

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Stand Up Saturday: Parenting

Welcome to another installment of no holds barred, profanity-laced, semi-comedic rants straight from my rambling mind. Today's Topic: Parenting Being a parent these days is such a drag. You try to stick to rules like no glue-sniffing, no shoving kids off the slide and for god's sake, how many damned boogers have you eaten today? As if this wasn't draining enough, …

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Stand-Up Saturday: Marriage

Welcome to the first installment of weekly no holds barred, profanity-laced, semi-comedic rants straight from the rambling mind of the Supreme Destroyer of Bullshit -- The Maineiac. Today's topic: Marriage I remember a few years ago when Al and Tipper Gore dropped the big bomb on us. Apparently, it was top news that after 40 years of wedded bliss -- after …

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The Post Where I Explain Humor, Life, the Universe and Everything

What's funny? What do you find amusing? What makes something hilarious? How does someone get to be so humorous? No, really. I'm asking you. (And it seems I've run out of synonyms for 'funny') Anyone...? Recently, I was posed these questions and more by Michelle, a WordPress Editor over at The Daily Post blog. Along with a roundtable of other fantastically humorous bloggers …

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Stand Up and Let that Sh*t Out!

Winters in Maine are famous for being long and brutal. When I was growing up, we lived a few blocks away from my junior high and high schools, so I never took the bus; I was always a 'Walker'. Fine in warm weather, pure hell during the frozen tundra months. One early morning, I started out on my …

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