This is (Almost) 50

I bought a high-powered magnifying mirror the other day. Just what I need, all the horrifying details of my face magnified 10,000 times. I peered into the mirror to begin ripping out my eyebrows when, WHOA! HOLY HELL! MY FACE IS OLD! AND UGLY! AND COVERED IN HAIR! I LOOK LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN A …

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Top Reasons I Should Probably Get New Glasses

Reached down to pick up a knot of black thread on the floor only to realize it was a spider. While reading books to my seven year old at bedtime, I either mumble 'blah blah blah' or make up the story as I go along. "And so the three Bears came home and...blah blah blah...kicked Goldilock's sorry ass out …

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