To Whom It May Concern: I write to you with the fervent hopethat my plight may soon be known.My ordeal began as soon as I plunkedmy ass on the porcelain throne. It seems mixing shots of tequilawith gravy-smothered pitawas clearly not the way to go. Hence, my ass exploded,the tidy bowl overloaded,and the septic tank …
Tag: holiday
I Think the Fox Says, “Never Eat Raisinitos”
Hey guys! Happy Halloween from Merida and Luigi! I've got a few quick questions for you. I'm trying to keep my pulse on the popular culture, so I can stay hip, down with the groove and all that jazz. My son tells me I should start by not calling it 'the popular culture'. Whatevs, dude. …
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Yes, but how high does a flea jump while farting?
Did you know..... A cow produces 200 times more gas a day than a person? An estimated 200 languages are spoken in New York City? A flea can jump 200 times higher than the height of its own body? For every one person on the planet, there are an estimated 200 million insects crawling around? …
Continue reading Yes, but how high does a flea jump while farting?
That Magical White Stuff
This year it's been a bit hard to get into that Christmas spirit and the holiday groove. One reason for me: No snow. Finally, this morning the kids and I anxiously opened up the curtains to find a winter wonderland. Reminded me of the moment Ralphie saw snow in the movie A Christmas Story. Pure …
Death by Lack of Chocolate
New Year's Day is one of my least favorite holidays. After the Times Square ball drops and the champagne pops, it's time for serious reflection. Ultimately, it's time for guilt and shame. As soon as we're back at work and the hangover has worn off, we feel this urge to do wild-n-crazy things--like change. We've convinced ourselves that we're not good enough; our lives need improvement. …
Resolutions for Slackers
One of my friends had a brilliant idea (go, Debra!) She said that this year, she was giving herself a fighting chance at New Year’s resolutions. She would set the bar much lower, making damn sure she couldn’t fail. As a matter of fact, she had already succeeded at most of her goals. I immediately …
The Best Christmas Ever
The holidays are upon us once again, arriving in my world at warp speed. Wasn’t Christmas just last week? And along with the endless barrage of Christmas commercials, so begins an acute and incurable state of “gimme-itis”. Whenever the kids see a commercial for the latest fad toy or electronic gadget and yell, “I want …
She's A Maineiac 