Oh, What a Year!

Well, ho ho ho and shut the front door! It's that time once again to look at my Saved By The Bell: "Slater Wears Tiny Tank Tops" desk calendar and say to my cat, "Hold up -- another year's gone in the blink of Screech's lazy eye? What the hell? Is this how time works? Yeah, …

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Think You’re Thankful Enough? Take this quiz!

Hey, gang! It's time once again to overdose on gravy! Yes, Thanksgiving is almost here! And it's my turn over at The Nudge Wink Report. So slap on a feedbag and help me explore burning questions like: --What makes Aunt Ethel cry into her creamed corn? --Can turkeys fly? --What is tofurky really made of? …

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Happy [insert holiday here]!

Hey guys! Whassup? It's time to get down and funky.... "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone....ba-da-ba-da-ba-daaaaa...." http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/dancing/1tumblr_lgp6q5NhE21qcjtu8o1_500.gif I'm writing this post because: 1) I wanted to see if I forgot how to write (looks like I did) 2) I missed you guys. 3) I needed a distraction from reading online all about how 2014 …

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It’s Time for Our Annual “Prepare to be Jealous” Newsletter!

Greetings! It's time once again to reflect on all our accomplishments over the past year! Why? Because the calendar tells us we should, even though time is purely a construct of our minds and doesn't actually exist! Except when you're trapped in a mall parking lot with a carload of whining kids searching for that last parking …

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You Are Now Entering the No Filter Zone

I grew up in a very loud house. My five brothers were wild and my mother had a voice that could cut through steel. My only tactic to get noticed was to stealthily drop verbal bombs here and there during dinner conversation. Things I thought, but probably shouldn't have said out loud. Blurting was what I did best.  It got me some attention and …

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Embrace Your Inner Bah Humbug

In all my childhood photos, I was always grinning at the camera like a fool. People thought of me as an extremely happy child. In report cards, teachers always said the same thing: Darla is such a quiet and shy child--but always smiling! I had a certain zest for life back then. Overall, I still …

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Happy Holidaze, Maineiac Style!

Many cold winter nights, I toss and turn, sleep as elusive as my dreams of ever having a family Christmas party where no one gets drunk, then fights over the Mayan calendar or who gets to take home Aunt Edna's hard-as-a-hockey-puck fruitcake. (Something tells me the end of the world and digesting Aunt Edna's fruitcake are …

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Confessions of a Bad Cook

When I was a child, the kitchen was always a mysterious place. My mother would tie her “Kiss Me, I’m Irish!” apron on and disappear in there, banging around the pea green and pale yellow cupboards for hours. Eventually she’d emerge, and huge platters of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans would magically appear. I’d only …

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