Our mid-winter school vacation has ended. I spent 11 days trapped inside a small apartment with my kids. We had four snowstorms last week alone. Coincidentally, our electronic "human-ignorer" gadgets decided to collectively shit the bed. My laptop froze. The tablet became possessed. Netflix was toast. My toaster still worked. Thank god. So we were forced …
Continue reading Oh, don’t mind me — I’ll be livin’ in a box down by the river.
whump-whump-whump-whump The helicopter overhead was distant--the propeller's thumps a low murmur seeping into my mind, stirring up dread, thick and suffocating. I stood inside my grandmother's old house and gazed at the peeling yellowed paint on the walls and the layers upon layers of dusty photographs covering every inch. In one black and white photo, a young pig-tailed girl's face beamed, sitting on her father's knee, her face forever frozen …
June is coming at me full speed now and this can only mean one thing: Countdown to End of Days = T minus 2 Two school days until both kids are home with me all day. Both of them. Every day. For almost three months. Serenity now! Serenity now! SERENITY NOW!!!! I can do this! Stay …
Food Edition **Loafs of bread. Why are they shaped like that? Can't these companies figure out a way to make them come in little perfect triangles with no crusts shaped like a butterfly so my daughter will eat it? **Chip bags. I opened one up the other day and found two chips on the bottom. The …
This is what greeted me last weekend. My kids picked me some flowers, and both of them made me the sweetest homemade cards. They told me they were too excited to wait. And who am I to complain? I've always thought Mother's Day should be more of a week-long event. Besides, every mom out there knows …
Will you hold my hand? Please? Because I don't think I can do this without you. I am very scared and kinda nervous. It's a big change. Huge. And I'm not sure I'm gonna like it very much. Will you still be there waiting for me when it's over? Will you hold my hand at the bus stop? Will …
The following is a recent phone conversation with my 78 year old mother: Phone rings forever, finally picks up My mom: (long pause) Hello! HELLO! Me: Hey-- HELLO?! Hey, Mom. Me and the kids are gonna- Whaddya want! I'm heading out to pick up some pizza so- WHAT? I SAID THE KIDS AND I ARE GONNA GO OUT …
This past week has been hectic. The kids were home for school vacation. We had a great time doing things like: visiting the library, looking longingly out the window while sighing we were bored, and going sledding on the sheet of ice on our little hill in our yard. And I didn't end up in traction, so …
For your kid: The day you were born Was the most blessed day I cherished you then In every single way But now I have to tell you Something that may sound cold Get the hell out of our basement For God's sake, you're 30 years old For your spouse: The day we were married My heart grew …
OBJECTIVE To prove that when you notice the huge 10 year gap on my résumé, snicker and ask, "What were you doing all that time?!" I wasn't merely sitting around twiddling my thumbs and eating bon bons. (Although some days I did take a few breaks and did just that.) WORK EXPERIENCE 2000-2002 Fertility Specialist Managed and …
She's A Maineiac 