Meditation for Dumbasses

We've all heard the mantras: Live in the present. Let things go. Stop inhaling those damned Doritos. But how, when we've got so much to worry about? So much to get caught up in! Bills to pay and jobs to dread and social media to hate! We can't even turn our minds off long enough …

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13 Ways I Live On the Edge

The dentist recommends I floss at least once a day. Some days I don't floss. And I still have my teeth. Take that, Mr. Know-It-All Dentist. Advil's recommended dose for 12 years and up is one capsule, then two if needed every four to six hours. Oh yeah? Well, I'm taking two pills. At the same …

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Church Chat

If there's one thing I dread discussing -- it's religion. All those pesky questions: Who created us? How did we get here? Why are we here? Where are my car keys? I just had them a second ago and -- oh. Someone put them in the fridge. Ahem. Anyway. So yes...lots of questions. If you …

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Baby you can’t drive my car

Here's a short list of the few things in life that scare the crap out of me: spiders flying politics my 15-year-old son taking Driver's Ed flying spiders Alas, the time has come. Next week, The Boy Who Can't Be Named Because He'd Die of Embarrassment, will be driving a 4000-pound car down the road. …

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Sorry, God

Are you there God? It's me, jackass. I've been reading several books on near death experiences about people who've apparently died, only to come back to life so they can tell us what happens when you cross over. Most of the stories are similar: there's a long tunnel, a bright light, all-encompassing love,  indescribable peace...yadda, yadda, yadda... …

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Sequoia

I dreamed of shadows and sheltered things beneath the tree with golden leaves. Today the mighty trunk sliced bare as bone, the rings rough and splintered, you take my hand as we count the lives together. A thousand deaths, a thousand loves, a thousand circles bound us with frayed fibers, spinning its thread, the splinters …

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Nuclear Bedtime Stories

I have a lot of things going against me: I'm from Maine; I'm a woman; I'm a Virgo; I'm introverted; I don't know how to use semicolons effectively. These aspects of my personality result in a few glaring facts -- I have no tact, I think too much, I talk a lot, I make too …

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Woman Gets Shred of Sanity Back During Commute

Greetings fellow bloggers, bored cats, and heavily tattooed men in orange jumpsuits wasting their 10 minutes of Internet time because they googled "Kim Kardashian Boobs"! Not only do I blog here at She's a Maineiac, I'm also a seasoned reporter, interviewing poor slobs about their redonkulous lives. You might remember my last report, Woman Refuses …

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Just Another Maineiac Monday

Lately, I've had zero time to blog. So I thought I'd quickly throw up a mishmash of the super important stuff that's currently taking up all of my precious time. Let's start with Gordon Ramsay. My 10-year-old daughter is obsessed with him. She watches all 179 of his current TV shows. Here's just a sampling: …

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The Final Curtain

  This is a true story that happened over 13 years ago.   "Say your goodbye," the emergency room doctor suggested, his eyes brimming with compassion. But the deep wrinkles etched across his brow revealed the weariness of all the pain and death they had witnessed behind the hastily drawn curtain. Say your goodbye. The …

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