Hey kids! Have you heard of the latest craze to sweep our fine nation? No? Me neither. I am so out of the loop I asked my 15-year-old daughter last week if she was going to go out and buy the new Taylor Swift album and she smirked, "Buy? Buy what? The album? What?! No! …
Tag: life
Love You (Part 3)
Death is typically depicted in our society as a mostly negative event. It's terrifying, loud, abrupt. Like most people, I used to be afraid of death. Maybe I worried if I were exposed to its clutches too long, I would end up sucked into its gaping maw and flung into the dark void of loneliness, …
Beautiful Child
First breath pierces autumn chill,hazel eyes greet my blue.Strands of hair wound tight around fat fingersmy heart bleeds into yours. Run! Run! Run! scarlet leaves tumble as we dance, gold sparks of memoriesignite our sleeping minds. See the starry night swirl,the fallen acorns scatter and crunch beneath our feet. Feel the edge of timestrip flesh …
I Quit
I gave up coffee. But not plaid*. I'm not insane. And no, this wasn't some lame new year's resolution. I completely stopped my intake of all forms of caffeine on a cloudy Tuesday in the middle of April last year. Not a memorable day like New Year's Day, but pretty significant nonetheless for the smug …
You Got a Problem
Last week a repairman came over to the house to check out our furnace. It was buzzing and clicking and gurgling, so naturally I was concerned it might blow up and destroy half the neighborhood. Repairmen always do the same thing. They waltz into your house and snicker, “So what’s the problem?” When I try …
Meditation for Dumbasses
We've all heard the mantras: Live in the present. Let things go. Stop inhaling those damned Doritos. But how, when we've got so much to worry about? So much to get caught up in! Bills to pay and jobs to dread and social media to hate! We can't even turn our minds off long enough …
13 Ways I Live On the Edge
The dentist recommends I floss at least once a day. Some days I don't floss. And I still have my teeth. Take that, Mr. Know-It-All Dentist. Advil's recommended dose for 12 years and up is one capsule, then two if needed every four to six hours. Oh yeah? Well, I'm taking two pills. At the same …
Church Chat
If there's one thing I dread discussing -- it's religion. All those pesky questions: Who created us? How did we get here? Why are we here? Where are my car keys? I just had them a second ago and -- oh. Someone put them in the fridge. Ahem. Anyway. So yes...lots of questions. If you …
Baby you can’t drive my car
Here's a short list of the few things in life that scare the crap out of me: spiders flying politics my 15-year-old son taking Driver's Ed flying spiders Alas, the time has come. Next week, The Boy Who Can't Be Named Because He'd Die of Embarrassment, will be driving a 4000-pound car down the road. …
Sorry, God
Are you there God? It's me, jackass. I've been reading several books on near death experiences about people who've apparently died, only to come back to life so they can tell us what happens when you cross over. Most of the stories are similar: there's a long tunnel, a bright light, all-encompassing love, indescribable peace...yadda, yadda, yadda... …
She's A Maineiac 