I dreamed of shadows and sheltered things beneath the tree with golden leaves. Today the mighty trunk sliced bare as bone, the rings rough and splintered, you take my hand as we count the lives together. A thousand deaths, a thousand loves, a thousand circles bound us with frayed fibers, spinning its thread, the splinters …

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The Final Curtain

  This is a true story that happened over 13 years ago.   "Say your goodbye," the emergency room doctor suggested, his eyes brimming with compassion. But the deep wrinkles etched across his brow revealed the weariness of all the pain and death they had witnessed behind the hastily drawn curtain. Say your goodbye. The …

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Mom For Hire

The following post I wrote over three years ago and I'm reposting it because I have little time to write lately. In case you're wondering the snow in Maine finally melted so I'm spending every waking moment outside.  Plus I'm tired. So damn tired. Happy Mother's Day! OBJECTIVE            To prove that when you notice the huge 10 …

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What a Woman Really Wants

Snowflakes drifted down in slow spirals, landing on my cheeks like bits of delicate lace. I peered through the window and saw him standing inside the foyer waiting for me. A bolt of excitement flashed down my spine, sending tingles to the darkened corners of my heart. Despite the cold, the heat emanating between us was radiant, …

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Love is in the air…or is that cabbage I smell?

Valentine's Day greeting cards for that special someone in your life. For your nursing home roommate: For your celebrity spouse: For your pet human: For your cellmate at the state penitentiary: For Justin Bieber: For your newest blog follower:

Stand-Up Saturday: Marriage

Welcome to the first installment of weekly no holds barred, profanity-laced, semi-comedic rants straight from the rambling mind of the Supreme Destroyer of Bullshit -- The Maineiac. Today's topic: Marriage I remember a few years ago when Al and Tipper Gore dropped the big bomb on us. Apparently, it was top news that after 40 years of wedded bliss -- after …

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Happy Double 1s, Little Man

This week is my son's birthday. From the very beginning, I knew he was going to be a handful. He refused to vacate his comfy home for his due date, deciding instead to roll around in my belly like the Tasmanian Devil partying in a hot tub. Today, my son is the sweetest, kindest, most adorable-est boy in the universe.  He's …

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Dear Dad

Part of a parent's job is to make us feel safe. Comforted.  Accepted. Loved. Hopefully, this gives us the ability to venture out into the big bad world with little fear. You did that for me. Thank you. When I try to visualize your face, I see your smile and your twinkling blue eyes -- like we're sharing a secret …

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Why I Want to Have Jason Bateman’s Baby

Everyone has their secret celeb crushes. On my short list -- Sting, Jon Stewart, Hugh Laurie, Robert Downey Jr., Conan O'Brien, Ryan "Hey Girl" Gosling -- to name just a few. (It's really not a short list at all, actually.) But no one compares to my undying devotion to Jason Bateman. Ah, yes. Jason and I go waaay back. ----The following …

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This Mom’s Wish

Dear Kids, This is all I want for Mother's Day (and beyond): That you realize half-eaten tuna sandwiches don't belong in the far corner of your closet buried under three tons of toys. You learn to fight less and love more. Hands are not for hurting but for helping -- also for helping Mom by picking up all …

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