Here's a short list of the few things in life that scare the crap out of me: spiders flying politics my 15-year-old son taking Driver's Ed flying spiders Alas, the time has come. Next week, The Boy Who Can't Be Named Because He'd Die of Embarrassment, will be driving a 4000-pound car down the road. …
Tag: Moms
Oh, Mother!
I think we all know mothers are strong, wise and beautiful women. The moms in my family were no exception. I bet you also realize moms have little time on their hands most days. Which is why I'm posting a short-n-sweet rerun about motherhood, so we can all kick back and savor our breakfast …
Keeping Up With My Mom
I live next door to my 82-year-old mother. She has never driven a car, loves to read New Age books, and lives for the moment her mail is delivered. Five other notable things about her: She eats her hamburger in between two toasted (burnt to a crisp) rice cakes because she's "probably allergic to gluten". …
Mom For Hire
The following post I wrote over three years ago and I'm reposting it because I have little time to write lately. In case you're wondering the snow in Maine finally melted so I'm spending every waking moment outside. Plus I'm tired. So damn tired. Happy Mother's Day! OBJECTIVE To prove that when you notice the huge 10 …
Happy Double 1s, Little Man
This week is my son's birthday. From the very beginning, I knew he was going to be a handful. He refused to vacate his comfy home for his due date, deciding instead to roll around in my belly like the Tasmanian Devil partying in a hot tub. Today, my son is the sweetest, kindest, most adorable-est boy in the universe. He's …
I’m So Glad We Went Out to Eat, Mom
"Hey, Ma? Wanna go out to eat tonight?" I ask my 79 year old mother. "What?" "Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?" "What??" "Do YOU..." I yell, pausing as my mom leans in closer. "WANT TO..." She begins to nod her head slowly with each word I say. "GO OUT..." I gesture to the door. She raises one …
I’m So Sorry I Missed Your Call, Mom
My answering machine messages from my 79-year-old mother while I was gone for a few hours last weekend: [answering machine beep] Darla? Darla? Darla? Darla? (click) [beep] Darla! Darla! Darla! Darla! (click) [beep] Gah! Are you there? DARLA! I know you're there! Oh! God! There it is! Do you hear it? That beeping? It's the …
Don’t Eat the Dandelions
This is what greeted me last weekend. My kids picked me some flowers, and both of them made me the sweetest homemade cards. They told me they were too excited to wait. And who am I to complain? I've always thought Mother's Day should be more of a week-long event. Besides, every mom out there knows …
Quick, Mom! Run and hide!
Moms, I’m going to be honest with you. There are some days when my dear, sweet, lovely children have driven me to the point of my head imploding. When they have whined the 1,237th "Mommy!" and have managed to have about 35 mini-tragedies in nine minutes ("He took my Polly Pocket and tried to flush her …
She's A Maineiac 