Baby you can’t drive my car

Here's a short list of the few things in life that scare the crap out of me: spiders flying politics my 15-year-old son taking Driver's Ed flying spiders Alas, the time has come. Next week, The Boy Who Can't Be Named Because He'd Die of Embarrassment, will be driving a 4000-pound car down the road. …

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And so it begins…

My son turned thirteen last month. Thirteen.  You know, the age their eyes roll back into their heads and molten lava starts shooting out from every orifice. So many, many things changed in an instant. The day after he became a teenager, he announced at breakfast, "Mom, I need to do some chores because I need some money. …

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Mom For Hire

The following post I wrote over three years ago and I'm reposting it because I have little time to write lately. In case you're wondering the snow in Maine finally melted so I'm spending every waking moment outside.  Plus I'm tired. So damn tired. Happy Mother's Day! OBJECTIVE            To prove that when you notice the huge 10 …

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La La La, I Can’t Hear You!

Today at breakfast my 11-year-old son informed me he had good news and bad news. Not only was he finally allowed to bring his recorder home from music class but he was going to take his first puberty class at school. I'm still trying to figure out which was the good news. Later that afternoon after he slid …

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Phone Calls

Talking to a young child on the phone is an exercise in patience. The endless grueling-marathon kind of exercise that gets you nowhere fast and ends with you repeatedly jamming your smart phone into your eye socket. Yesterday I was out on errands and needed to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy for my husband. …

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Becoming Mom

I find it incredible how quickly life can change. One minute you're thinking, "I will never have kids and I will never be a mom!" and the next one you're thinking, "How in the hell do I clean baby poop off the ceiling? And off the drapes, the couch, my shirt and my face?" When …

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The Year of Our Miracle

It was seven years ago when one little pill was the reason my daughter lived. Previously, I had suffered several miscarriages. My doctor suspected a blood disorder and ran a million tests. One morning, his nurse called to inform me that I had a blood clotting disorder and wasn't able to absorb any folic acid. And …

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Deep Thoughts by Little Miss J

My daughter is six and a half years old and tends to be a wee bit dramatic at times. She's also much smarter than I'll ever be. The other morning she flew into my bedroom, eyes ablaze, and wailed, "Oh, Mommy! It's just not fair! I mean, seriously! Seriously!" She threw herself onto my bed. "Like, …

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Happy Double 1s, Little Man

This week is my son's birthday. From the very beginning, I knew he was going to be a handful. He refused to vacate his comfy home for his due date, deciding instead to roll around in my belly like the Tasmanian Devil partying in a hot tub. Today, my son is the sweetest, kindest, most adorable-est boy in the universe.  He's …

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Signs Kids and/or Gremlins Live in My House

My daughter, age 6 My Christmas wrapping paper. (I put it next to my Buddha to help calm me down) My favorite lipstick, which has been discontinued(Apparently, the Gremlins were hungry) Creepy mermaids live in my sink now. I can never do dishes again. Should I pray the Little Ponies survive the thaw, or add them to …

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