You came to me much like a dream,
bold yet sweet, you reigned supreme.
One tiny taste and I was sunk,
this crazy lust, I willingly drunk.
With promises of sugar and spice,
I gobbled you up, my wicked vice.
Thoughts of you would enter my day,
I had to be with you, there was no other way.
My lips–they’d tremble, my heart would swoon, Quick! Off to the kitchen to grab a spoon!
I’d rip you open and plunge so deep,
your velvet cream, it made me weep.
Guilt be damned! Your love was mine!
We melted together–it was divine.
My life was over; this burden I’d carry
for I was in love with Ben and Jerry.
About 14 years ago, before we were married and had kids, my husband and I traveled as much as possible. Did we go see the Grand Canyon? Mount Rushmore? Niagara Falls? The World’s Largest Ball of Twine?
We took the factory tour and I think I might have asked the question, “Soooo annnyway… do we get free samples or what?” about a thousand times. Maybe I managed to tick off the tour guide a little. Especially when I kept interrupting her, insisting she interview me on the spot for the full time Taste Tester position. And asking if the salary was paid in giant vats of Chubby Hubby. Or if the employee gym featured showers that spouted nothing but caramel and chocolate syrup.
We did get our free samples at the end–after she escorted me outside–and we had a chance to taste a brand new flavor they were in the process of developing back in 1998:
Peanut Butter and Jelly!
And it was disgusting.
Sorry, but major flavor fail on your part, Ben and Jerry. (I forgive you.) Certain combinations probably should never be mixed with ice cream. Say, cottage cheese and pimentos. Or asparagus and Tabasco sauce. I would have rather tested those flavors. Wisely, the good people at Ben and Jerry’s retired the PB&J flavor after limited release and buried it where it belonged, six feet under in their ‘Where Bad Flavors Go to Die’ cemetery.
So tell me…what flavors would you crawl over hot coals for?
Mine are Phish Food and Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. I think I ate an entire pint of Coffee Heath Bar Crunch every single day back in college. (…and they say the ‘Freshman 15’ is a myth.)