Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Remember the good ol' days when the news was delivered to your door by a snot-nosed Beaver Cleaver punk? Remember the times when we leisurely digested the day's headlines with a mug of Sanka in our grubby ink-stained fingers? Nah, me neither. Then again, I'm not sure if I remembered to put on pants today. …

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I Was a 12-Year-Old Psychic

Back in the early '80s, things were innocent. I cherished my ribbon barrettes, my dog Princess, and my life-sized poster of The Hardy Boys. Sure, Parker was okay, but it was Shaun who stole my heart. And much like the ancient prophet Nostradamus, I predicted stuff, too. Uh oh!...I'm having another vision...I see you, dear …

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Conversations with Coat Racks

Do you often find yourself struggling to read a magazine only to curse the length of your arm? Do you own five pairs of really useless reading glasses? Do you find Jeb Bush incredibly sexy? Time to face facts-- you are probably suffering from RDV, or rapidly declining vision. Don't worry, this tends to happen …

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A Special Message From Sarah Palin

  Yeehaw! It's time to quit pussyfootin' around, America! C'mon, all you ditch-diggin', hash-slingin', cow-tippin' proud apple pie rockin' mamas and papas! Click on this here link-dee-loo down below to find out what happens when Darla goes undercover at Trump headquarters! Hint: It ain't purty. And after you're done readin' -- LET'S KICK SOME ISIS …

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