Hot Topics for the Middle-Aged

I knew it! I should've just stayed on the couch. Image:

April 5

Dear Carlene,

How is the weather up there? I imagine it’s still cold and snowy. The cherry blossoms are beginning to bloom here in Arlington, it’s so beautiful. After church today, we will go for a long walk along the Potomac and enjoy their incredible fragrance. Don’t forget that we are driving up to visit you in Maine the last week of April, so be sure to have the lobsters ready. Miss you and love you very much. Give the kids a big hug for me.

P.S. I have a horrible pain in my kidney, my sciatic nerve is making my behind feel like it’s on fire and your father’s gout is acting up again.

Love, Mom

This was an actual letter from my dear sweet Gram to my mother (“actual” in the sense that I made it up; but trust me, she sent similar letters). Notice how she starts out with a tried-and-true bang (the weather) draws the reader in with the promise of serene sweetness and bliss (cherry blossoms and lobsters) then ends abruptly with the doom and gloom of growing older (ass on fire). Continue reading “Hot Topics for the Middle-Aged”