When I was in my early 20s, my mother and I went for a walk along my favorite nature trail near Wolfe's Neck off the coast of Freeport. For years I would hike this same path by myself. I loved nothing more than to feel the sea breeze on my face and smell the salt …
Tag: women
This is (Almost) 50
I bought a high-powered magnifying mirror the other day. Just what I need, all the horrifying details of my face magnified 10,000 times. I peered into the mirror to begin ripping out my eyebrows when, WHOA! HOLY HELL! MY FACE IS OLD! AND UGLY! AND COVERED IN HAIR! I LOOK LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN A …
Woman Gets Shred of Sanity Back During Commute
Greetings fellow bloggers, bored cats, and heavily tattooed men in orange jumpsuits wasting their 10 minutes of Internet time because they googled "Kim Kardashian Boobs"! Not only do I blog here at She's a Maineiac, I'm also a seasoned reporter, interviewing poor slobs about their redonkulous lives. You might remember my last report, Woman Refuses …
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14 Menopause Tips That Might Just Save A Life
Never say to the woman, "This must be the menopause talking, right?" For hot flashes, freeze a washcloth, then slap your husband upside the head with it. Still feeling blazing hot? Carry a good portable fan. Make mood swings fun. Get out a timer and count how many intense emotions you feel in three …
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Adventures in Anesthesia: The Urination Proclamation
A few weeks ago I underwent abdominal surgery. If you've ever had surgery, the first thing you notice is how many times the nurses and doctors ask you what you're getting done. Apparently, this is their safeguard protocol in case you're there to have a tonsillectomy and instead end up with one less testicle. I'm …
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The Inside Story
Warning: This isn't my typical lame humor post. In this one things get real. And graphic. I'm talking about (gasp) female reproductive health issues! Feel free to close your eyes and run away screaming. I won't take it personally. Okay...are they gone? What? You guys are still here? Look, I'm not kidding. This isn't …
Yes, I am a Woman.
Newsflash: We all have feminine and masculine tendencies. Naturally, some of us might be more on one side than the other regardless of our gender. Some of us might have an equal balance of both. These traits might be due to our childhoods or because we were born that way. What I'm saying is -- enough already. Sheesh. Still some people automatically …
What a Woman Really Wants
Snowflakes drifted down in slow spirals, landing on my cheeks like bits of delicate lace. I peered through the window and saw him standing inside the foyer waiting for me. A bolt of excitement flashed down my spine, sending tingles to the darkened corners of my heart. Despite the cold, the heat emanating between us was radiant, …
Boys Vs. Girls
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Men say "tomato", women say "get off yer ass and get it yourself." Women say "Did you hear what I just said?" and men say, "Huh?" I suppose the take home message here is apparently men and women are different. I guess. I don't know. Are men and women …
Well, Duh…
Hold onto your beer can hats, guys, because I have something big to tell you. Everything you ever knew about the world and how it works is about to be turned upside down. I hate to be the one to break this to you [sigh] but here goes... Women Prefer Men With Bigger Penises and Beer Makes Men Happier Is …
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