What the Heart Knows

Late on an autumn night in 2003, the rain was coming down so heavy I almost didn't hear the faint thumping at our garage door downstairs. My husband lay in bed next to me, snoring and oblivious. But I knew something was wrong.  I heard the thump again. I rushed down to our kitchen and opened up the …

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Confessions of a Crybaby

Last night, my husband found me sitting on the couch watching television in a daze, my eyes red and puffy. "Are you crying?" "No." "Were you crying?" (wipes nose, slips soggy tissue into shirt) "Uh....no, I most certainly was not." (sniff) "Crying."(sniff) (a fat tear slides down my face) "But it's a commercial for car …

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A Brief History of Sex (According to Me)

  It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment I started to think sex was weird. Maybe it was when we had that first health class in fifth grade and the creepy teacher passed around a maxi pad, urging us to discuss the feelings we had about the opposite sex and our changing bodies. Maybe it was when my best friend …

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How (Not) to Argue with a Woman

My husband and I will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary this April. Before we were married, we lived together in a tiny apartment for another two years. That's fourteen years of being 'up in each other's bidnezz' as they say on the streets.  Quite a long time to spend being forced to share bathroom sink space and remote control possession.  …

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Quick, Mom! Run and hide!

Moms, I’m going to be honest with you. There are some days when my dear, sweet, lovely children have driven me to the point of my head imploding.  When they have whined the 1,237th "Mommy!" and have managed to have about 35 mini-tragedies in nine minutes ("He took my Polly Pocket and tried to flush her …

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Yoga Love

Back when I didn’t know a thing about yoga, just the word itself would conjure up images in my mind. Mostly of New Age-y people wearing chakra jewelry and chanting Om while twisting themselves into pretzels. I was intrigued by yoga and knew it was an ancient practice that undoubtedly had some sound health benefits. …

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Resolutions for Slackers

One of my friends had a brilliant idea (go, Debra!) She said that this year, she was giving herself a fighting chance at New Year’s resolutions. She would set the bar much lower, making damn sure she couldn’t fail.  As a matter of fact, she had already succeeded at most of her goals. I immediately …

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The Long and the Short of It

Women seem to identify themselves by their hairstyle. Or, in my case, complete lack of style. I’ve had the same boring, long, brown, thick-as-a-rat’s-nest hair for my entire life. Well, aside from the late 70s, when my mom sent me out into the big bad world looking like a cross between Dorothy Hamill and Justin …

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