How often do you come across a blogger who not only is a fantastic storyteller but sings and plays a mean guitar?
Steve’s blog, Brown Road Chronicles, is about country living, old houses, dirt roads, raising kids and a couple lively goats named Holly and Ella.
I adore his writing style, which was highlighted on Freshly Pressed with the fantastic post, Old Barn Coat. He also writes funny children’s poems, song lyrics and occasionally rants about WordPress and BOOBs. And he recently created a super hot all-male blogger calendar you must check out. It’s all good clean fun.
Before you enjoy his interview, take a listen to one of his songs, Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Bloggers — the man needs a recording contract!
Now let’s delve into what makes him tick. Please, give a warm welcome to
Steve from The Brown Road Chronicles
Diary of a Flat Tire: How I got to Keep my Man Card for Another Day
This was a funny story that happened to me back in September 2009. I didn’t have a blog at the time but I wanted to remember the situation so I wrote it down. It eventually became the first post on my blog. I didn’t write again until almost a year later in August of 2010, when Brown Road Chronicles was really born and my normal, stable life pretty much ended.
My dog Tiger used to kiss me a lot. Ohhhh… wait… you mean, like a real kiss? I believe it was my high school girlfriend, I don’t remember anything before that unless I’ve just forgotten. I’ve only had two really serious women in my life, my high school girlfriend and my awesome wife Kim who I met in college. Well… there was this totally smokin’ hot girl in like first grade, named Brandy, that I used to really like. But I don’t think I ever got to kiss her. She probably didn’t even know who I was. She’s probably a stripper now.
Brandy from first grade who’s probably a stripper now. Seriously though, who really knows what love is? Insert Foreigner voice: “I wanna know what love is… I want you to show me!” I honestly believe there is only one person for each of us. I’ve found mine.
I remember fighting my way out of my Mom’s vagina through all this blood and gore, thinking “oh my god, what the fuck is going on here?!?” Then this guy all dressed in white grabs me and wipes me off and I’m like “dudes, what the hell just happened? I think I need a beer!”
Moment I met my significant other:
Kim and I met at a Toga Party at Colby College in Waterville, Maine. It was very romantic and sophisticated and Greek.
You can read about it here:
How I Met Your Mother
Possession I would take if my house were on fire:
Seriously, if your house is on fire are you going to stand there for even a few seconds and think about what the hell to take out of there? Dude, get out of the house! Everyone always says they would grab photos. Honestly though, I would have one thing on my mind, getting my family first, then pets if possible, to a safe place. I probably wouldn’t even think about what else to grab.
Job I had:
Other than mowing my neighbor’s lawn, the first real job I had was working for a guy that owned a landscaping business and operated out of my neighborhood where I grew up on Long Island. We cut grass and did landscaping for commercial and residential accounts. I started working for him after my senior year of high school, then during the summers while in college. It was very hard work, but was a good gig. He often paid us in cash, we got sweet tans and could let our hair grow long and we could swear and naively believe that all the chicks thought we were the hottest, shirtless guys in the world, even though we had long hair and smelled like gasoline and rotten grass. Sometimes I miss those days!
Time I got pulled over by a cop:
When we first moved to Michigan, when I was about 24, I got pulled over on the college campus I was working nearby going about 40 in a 25. I’m thinking, “Seriously, don’t you have anything better to do, like arrest some drunken college students that are lighting their couch on fire?” She gave me a ticket for 10 over. I ended up getting to know her pretty well over the years and always wondered if she remembered writing that ticket.
Thing I think God will say to me at the pearly gates:
I don’t believe in God and all that afterlife stuff. Sorry, I guess you’d call me an Atheist, even though that term has wrongly become synonymous with “Evil, Satan Worshipping, Goat Sacrificing Heathen”. But really, if you don’t believe in God you certainly don’t believe in Satan and y’all know I’d never sacrifice one of my goats!
I believe when I die I will either become ashes or be put into a hole in the ground. That’s all folks! Although these days, cremation seems to be the trending way to dispose of oneself, I think I want a gravestone, so that little kids can do crayon rubbings on it and wonder what was so special about the “Author of The Brown Road Chronicles.”
Well chances are it will be my Song “The Grass is Always Greener” because I haven’t written anything in weeks. But really how the hell should I know? You see, Darla made me send her these answers in advance… something about “needing time to do a whole bunch of PowerPoint slides where I poke fun at you” and “if you don’t get your answers to me in a timely fashion I am going to send Kathy Bates to break your legs.”
Thing I cooked:
Chicken on the grill. So, here’s a question… when you go out to your grill and pick up that brush scraper tool that we all have and start scraping and brushing all that old crap of the grates of the grill… do you ever think that’s what a Dental Hygienist feels like? Sometimes I stare down at the grill and scold and denigrate it for not flossing enough.
Movie I saw:
I don’t really remember but there were a lot of XXX’s and Oh, Oh, Oh’s in it. Must have had something to do with football.
Song I listened to:
Probably a Jackson Browne song, he’s my favorite artist. Even though I enjoy his quieter, more reflective songs, lately I have been listening to “Boulevard” a lot. I’m in sales, so I’m in my car a lot. When I find myself getting sleepy while driving, I’ll put that song on at full volume so the speakers shake. One of the greatest (yet most under-recognized) guitar riffs to begin a rock song!
Book I read:
Oh shit, now I have to admit how infrequently I actually read books. The last book I read was The Hunger Games, which honestly was a pretty good book. My family told me I needed to read it before the film came out. So I voraciously devoured it like an Honors English Student cramming down some “To Kill a Mockingbird” or “Catcher in the Rye” for a mid-term. Not that I’m comparing it to those books, to all you literary snobs that were thinking of reprimanding me in the comments. I think the last book I read before Hunger Games was “Brown Bear, Brown Bear.”
Reality TV show I watched:
I don’t really watch TV much. Is The Voice considered a reality TV show. Yes? Then I guess that’s my answer. I like The Voice because the talent is really good, but definitely not because I have a total man-crush on Adam Levine with his dreamy fitted t-shirts and beard stubble.
Person I kissed:
Myself, as I was taking “selfies” to post on Instagram. Just kidding I don’t really have an Instagram.
Time I cried:
Probably at the last movie I saw, or the last song I heard, or the last magazine article I read, or the last TV show I watched or the last time I cooked a hot dog in the microwave and it exploded or… Seriously, I cry all the time. I’m not sure when my Testosterone levels starting losing the battle to my Estrogen levels. I used to be pretty good at holding it in, but then somewhere around the time I had kids, something changed and now it doesn’t take much to get me going. In fact, I’m crying right now writing these answers.
Time I laughed hysterically:
Answering these questions…
Time I told a little white lie:
Answering these questions…
Time I did something really scary:
Sitting in the passenger seat of a car with my 15-year-old daughter driving?!?
Honestly though, I can’t really pinpoint anything really scary that I’ve done. I’m not much of a risk taker in that there’s no freakin’ way I’ll ever jump out of an airplane or anything like that. I’ve learned to tolerate some amusement park rides, but really don’t get that thrill high that so many people get. Starting a new self-employment career a couple of years ago and taking somewhere in the neighborhood of a 95% pay cut was pretty scary. In fact, it’s still pretty scary. In fact, I’m thinking about putting a donation link on my website.
Time I swore like a sailor:
I prefer to think that I swear like a trucker, but whatever…
I wrote a funny post a long time ago (pre-Freshly-Pressed fame) about not getting Freshly Pressed because of having some swear words in my posts. Here it is:
Getting Fu…Fu…Freshly Pressed
A few years back at a New Year’s party there was a little bit of drinking going on and then a bunch of shots of Crown Royal, then me and this other dude at the party started mooning people and these days it’s like “what the hell, you can’t even pull your pants down at a party anymore without everyone taking pictures.” Then I got sick in my wife’s van on the ride home with my son in the back seat taking notes. Not my finest moment!
Good deed I did:
I know, I know… you’ve read this whole thing and you’re like “wow, this guy is a total asshole, there’s no way he’s out there doing good deeds.” But honestly, it’s all just a ruse. You see, I’m actually a really compassionate guy. I’m a Boy Scout leader and I volunteer occasionally at my kid’s schools, when my wife signs me up and forces me to. I’m actually relatively well-respected in my community. So, if any of you let any of this shit get out, I’ll have Darla send Kathy Bates to your place to break your legs. ‘Cause Darla and I are tight. [editor’s note: true dat]
Wine! Welcome to my wine cellar. Here’s the Red box, there’s the White box. Mix them together for pink. Plastic cups are in the pantry.
Thank you all for reading. Please visit me at Brown Road Chronicles. It’s a lot of fun there!
Up next November’s blogger of the month: Nicole from The Middlest Sister.