Blogging · writing

All Blogs Must Pass

Image result for blog
To every post (churn, churn, churn)
There is a season (churn, churn, churn)
And a time to every bloggy purpose, under heaven
A time to be write, a time to cry
A time to edit,  a time to die, words, die!
A time to be wracked with self-doubt, a time to heal
A time to alienate your entire family so you can waste precious time to write a post no one will ever read

Hey gang! There is still a gang out there, right? Hellllllllllloooooooooooo?

This year was my blog’s seventh anniversary. I was a spirited 39-year-old when I started She’s a Maineiac and now I’m still 39 so shut the hell up.

It’s been seven frigging years and I still, STILL! feel compelled to post crap at least once a month, much to my own chagrin. I feel like my blog has pretty much died a long slow death.  Or maybe it’s just in a coma and waiting for someone to wake it up so it will have amnesia and start over again with a new personality.  I like that idea! Hey, it worked for Sandra Bullock!
Image result for sandra bullock while you were sleeping
C’mon, Darla! Wake the f*** up! Also, you look like shit.
Let’s take a groovy-graphy trip down my so-called bloggy life’s past to see how things evolved over time….


As we all know, everything has a purpose and a season under heaven.  I think it was George Harrison who once said, all things must pass. Or maybe it was Dr. Oz talking about constipation. We all know that life is an endless cycle of life, death, rebirth, and more life and more death and you get the picture.

The cool thing about a cycle is it can start fresh again, it can be reborn! Like my snazzy graph below illustrates….


So, it appears I’m back to writing for only me again. Yikes. My blog readers have pretty much vanished. Blogs are dead. Disco is dead. Elvis is alive and well in an underground bunker in Albuquerque. This is good and bad. Lately, it seems I have forgotten how to write. I have that thing you get when you….what’s that called again?

But I do love to write for myself. Sure, I’ve started to rehash ideas and tend to do the same post over and over again and maybe I won’t ever get the level of readership I once had years ago. And maybe the grammar police will always be lurking around every dangling particle. And yes, I have no clue what that even means. I don’t care! I’m too old to care anymore! This is my place! I get to do whatever the heck I want here, gosh darnit! If you don’t like my blog, good riddance!


But you’ll stick around, right?

If you’re still here, tell me in the comments below about your blogging career. Did you make oodles of money and gain boundless fame? Or just a bigger ass like me?


Mysteries of the Mind


One Direction Auto-Piloting: the spacey state of mind while driving a car when you suddenly realize — you’re driving a car!

Followed by the realization you have no idea where you’re going and have zero recollection of where your mind was the last 10 miles of driving.

Or why you were crying while singing at the top of your lungs to the latest One Direction song.


[Warning! sometimes followed by severe self-loathing which leads to more auto-piloting and/or voluntarily crashing head-on into a telephone pole.]

General Vocabulary Meltdown Disorder: the temporary unsettling feeling that washes over your brain when the word you know is spelled correctly still looks plain weird.

Example: the word ‘weird’.

See also: the words ‘word‘ and ‘the‘. Also, the words ‘see’, ‘also’ and ‘example’.

The Ferris Bueller Effect: the fact that watching a movie ‘live’ on cable television in the middle of a lazy Saturday afternoon is somehow infinitely better than if you were watching it on your own DVD player.

The Bazinga Mind-Meld Theory:  when you say, think or write a word and hear the same word on television at that exact moment in time, proving that the universe is eerily connected.

See also: Freaky as Hell Theory

Example: writing the word ‘bamboozle’ in your blog post at the very moment Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory says the word ‘bamboozle’.


The “Happy” Pharrell Williams Syndrome: the precise moment a song you once loved crosses the line into the ‘played-so-much-on-the-radio-it-now-makes-you-nauseous-to-hear-even-the-first-three-notes’ territory.

see also Any song by the Imagine Dragons.
see also Any song you ever hear on the radio today.

The Kashmir Theory:  the belief of most middle-aged people that the length of a song is directly related to the greatness of the song.

Example: “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin, “Hey Jude” by the Beatles, “The End” by the Doors, any live Tom Petty song, any song by Justin Bieber.

See also
: any song on the radio today.

GoT Aversion Complex: when a person steadfastly refuses to watch one minute of a certain super popular TV show simply because everyone else loves it and won’t shut the hell up about it ever.


Netflixitis: When someone suffering from GoT Aversion finally caves years later and decides to see a wildly popular TV show, ends up binge watching two seasons in one day with no breaks for food, drink or toilet only to have some jackass friend spoil everything by telling you “The Red Wedding” actually does not mean they’re serving red velvet cupcakes.


Anyone else suffering from GoT Aversion Complex? Or is it just me? If you have seen the show, please I’m begging you — do not tell me what happens at the wedding. I’m guessing food fight.