Take two pills and call me never.

Are you or someone you know suffering from pharmaceuticalitis?

Do you sit down to watch television only to be constantly interrupted by a steady barrage of commercials featuring a moderately-attractive silver-haired woman holding a red balloon while riding a bicycle through a field of lavender?

Do you wonder if you also have toenail fungus? Receding eyebrows? Wonky knees? Uneven boobs? Much-too-large areolas? Weird toes? In-law Aversion? Sudden Urge to Be Snarky Disease? Accidental Profanity Syndrome? Perpetual Disgust For Silver-Haired Women Who Ride Bicycles?

Thanks to a recent medical breakthrough, your days of pharmaceuticalitis are over! Time to put an end to your suffering while watching ads about suffering!

Introducing the FDA-not-approved Rxlia.

RXlia

Rxlia is designed with you in mind. Just one pill every three minutes every hour of the day and those pesky ads will disappear or at the very least seem only mildly annoying.

Woman holds up bottle, 1920-60.
Get out! Really? But how?
Each time-released pill gently floods your body with a clinically-not-approved mixture of feel-good hormones and mild sedatives with a hint of cinnamon and ganja. Soon all those intrusive thoughts about possible swelling of your lips, tongue or throat will disappear, allowing you to once again fully enjoy yet another bad episode of King of Queens.

Rxlia is not for everyone. Serious or deadly side effects may occur if you do not use as directed. Some of these may or may not, but most likely will because who are we kidding include:

ALL OF THE SIDE EFFECTS*.

Don’t wait! Talk to your doctor about Rxlia because those yacht payments won’t make themselves. Take control of your life by erasing these commercials (and most long and short term memory) from your mind today!

__________________________________________________________________________________

*Side effects have been known to increase markedly with each dose and may include eye-twitch, excessive drooling, extreme KFC consumption and vivid hallucination of tiny silver-haired women riding bicycles through fields of lavender. Taking Rxlia does not improve odds of finding Kevin James funny.

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54 thoughts on “Take two pills and call me never.

  1. I am a long time sufferer of Accidental Profanity Syndrome, and Rxlia is the only thing I found that works. Thank you Darlaxo-Klein Pharmaceuticals – you saved my life! At least I think you did. I can’t remember. What were we talking about again?

    1. While Rxlia may cause temporary remission from Accidental Profanity Syndrome, it may increase likelihood of Purely Intentional Swearing Syndrome if one is simultaneously suffering from In-Law Aversion. Darlaxo-Klein Pharmaceuticals cannot be legally or illegally held responsible for any and all additional side effects that may or may not occur while taking Rxlia.

    1. While maintaining correct dosing is beneficial to the patient, clinical studies have shown taking Rxlia with a greasy bucket of KFC chicken greatly increases its effectiveness and ability to find Kevin James even remotely funny.

  2. very funny, but what if I just turn the damn tv off? I guess I could read about football or baseball or any other sport, instead of watch it. Nah…. I’ll just have to ignore the ad and pretend I didn’t hear my 12 year old daughter when she asks …..’dad, what’s erectile dysfunction?’

    1. Darlaxo-Klein Pharmaceuticals is proud to introduce to you the FDA-banned medication Erectilia-Be-Gone! Just one spray in both nostrils renders most children incapable of asking Dad embarrassing questions while watching sports on TV.

    1. Are your eyebrows disappearing? Do you suffer from the obsessive urge to overpluck? Take your life and your brows back and ask your doctor about Pluxia today! Side effects may include: uni-brow, excessive chin hair and/or mutton chops.

  3. It’s pretty crazy some of these pharmaceutical ads. Between the insurance company and them, they must own more money than all the countries in the world with all the ads they do combined.

    1. I know, it’s really incredible how many commercials and afflictions are out there. It’s big bucks. You’d think by now pharma companies would figure out a way to capitalize on all those people now suffering from the side effect of swollen lips, tongue or throat and make a pill for that too.

    1. Do you hate TV? Do you find yourself wanting to do odd things like talking to other people or reading a book? Then you might suffer from TOS. But there is hope. Ask your doctor today about Boobtubelexia. Turn on that TV and turn on your life again.

      1. Ah, no we don’t have a TV at all, so watching one at a friend’s is a novelty. There seem to be more adverts that programmes but I confess that not much is of interest. We do talk though, read, play cards, dominoes or scrabble, and we have our fair share of social activity as well as walking the dog. But I suppose our life is a little different to most, living on a boat and all. πŸ™‚

  4. Serious or deadly side effects! Oh, count me in. Plus, if it will bring on the lavender fields, double bonus. Darla, this is why I do not miss cable. I like the new blog look!

    1. Next time be sure to quadruple the dose. Of course, Rxlia can be toxic at such high levels. So, really you have to ask yourself: possible death or finding Kevin James funny?” I think we all know it’s worth the risk.

  5. OMG! Too funny. My husband and I were just making bets with each other last night about how many drug commercials we would see before the end of the TV show and which would have the most horrible side effect!! I think they are worse during late night TV. Wonder why?

    1. They really are worse at night. I have insomnia lately so it’s kind of a double whammy, I can’t sleep yet all that’s on TV are horrible reruns of King of Queens. There’s not enough Rxlia in the world.

  6. Alas! After 30 years of suffering and taking copious amounts of at-risk-of-death pharmaceuticals to beat my Rheumatoid Arthritis, your miracle drug arrives! Just in time! I can’t tell you how much I hate those women in lavender fields smiling and laughing and doing things no one else can! I need a prescription with 8,532 refills, please. Plus I love KFC!!!

  7. Took your advice. One problem. The weekly pill reminder box for one pill every three minutes is so big it’s taking up the entire living room!

  8. Are you tired? Run-down? Listless? Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular?
    Darlaxo-Klein Pharmaceuticals has the answer to all your problems — Vitameatavegamin! πŸ™‚

  9. Personally, I can’t get enough drug commercials. They’re like the “Hotel California” of radio stations. I know I have enough time to fold laundry, walk the dog, and go to the bathroom before my show’s on again. Well, some could be longer…we need more side effects!

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